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Whether you’ve drunk craft beer for ten days or ten years, it’s likely you’ve been served at least once out of a shaker pint. You know – that thick-walled, unimaginative, slightly tapered glass that some twenty-one-year-old unimpressively poured 16 ounces of beer into.
I won’t attempt to break down the precise source of this abomination; however, rumor has it that the shaker pint originated as the second half of a Boston Shaker – a tool (still in use today) for blending spirits and mixers. The jury is still out on which depressed bartender chose to use the receptacle for beer in a time of need; however, the damage has been done and has been a scourge to the American beer drinker for decades.
It’s time this ends; however, before I lay out three definitive reasons why shaker pints should now and forevermore eat shit and die, I’d like to attempt to empathize with the avaricious (and sometimes misinformed) business owners who still use the damned glassware. Why the actual fuck do they use shaker pints?
Unsurprisingly, the reasons are primarily utilitarian and greed-induced:
- They’re sturdy
- They’re cheap
- They’re stackable
Let’s be honest, business owners worldwide are getting aroused reading these words. Dollar signs are floating through their vision as they see the holy trinity of sturdy, cheap, and stackable constructing an unstoppable restauranteering empire for their future.
Get a grip, assholes.
Beer deserves better.
Why? Thanks for asking – here are three reasons why the shaker pint should be erased from human history:
1. Shaker Pints Look Like Shit
Whether you’re talking about cars, technology, or the human form, it’s almost universally accepted that curves are better than straight lines. Curves are sensual, creative, and demonstrate flow. Straight lines are harsh, aggressive, and sad. Case in point:
- Why do you think newer generations of cars always ditch their angular look (Scion xB, I’m looking at you)?
- Why did Zune not stand a chance against Apple’s iPod?
- Why is Kim Kardashian more attractive than Austin, that lanky boy you know who looks like a stick?
Curves. Curves. Curves.
Shaker pints, just like Austin, have no pizazz. It’s like they’re constantly whispering, “I’m not important – pay no attention to me!”
Although a drab glass like this is more than adequate for serving water, the look alone cannot stand up to the history, splendor, or glory of beer.
2. Shaker Pints Feel Terrible
Drinking is a sensory experience – this includes how a drinking vessel feels in your hands and on your lips.
Shaker pints not only feel clunky in one’s hand, but the mouthful of glass you get before the beer reaches your tongue is enough to push anyone into a clinical state of depression. Beer tasting can be near-spiritual, like observing Michelangelo’s art in the Sistine Chapel, but drinking out of a shaker pint is like looking at the same art on a computer screen. The art is still beautiful, but the experience is severely lacking.
At its core, using a shaker pint to serve beer is a blatant disrespect to the product, the producers, and the long history of the beverage. It’s abysmal.
3. Shaker Pints Hurt the Aroma and Taste of Beer
Although the lack of magnetism and clumsy feel of the shaker pint are enough to cut it from the team, its cardinal sin is how the design negatively impacts aroma and flavor. Before jumping head-in, let’s set up some important facts:
- Aroma is a significant player in drinking beer. Some argue that aroma is between 75%-95% of what we perceive as taste, but even if that’s a gross overestimation, aroma is still key to the experience.
- Head (or beer foam) is an important carrier of aroma. “Foam brings more odor compounds to the surface of your beer, kind of like un-stuffing your nose and opening up the full range of flavors.” Therefore, good head retention is one mark of quality glassware design.
- Keeping beer at its optimal temperature (typically between 38-55 degrees) while drinking affects flavor, aroma, and head retention. A beer that is too cold can suppress desired aromatics and flavors, while a beer that is too warm can bring about undesired aromatics and flavors as well as lose carbonation quickly.
Let’s now see how the shaker pint holds up in these three areas:
- It fails to effectively funnel aroma to the drinker’s nose, which reduces the overall impact of the beer. Contrast this with the Belgian Tulip or Teku – glasses specifically designed to direct aromatics toward the drinkers’ olfactory system.
- It fails to aid with head retention due to its shape. “…if you have a large opening on your glass, there is more air exposure, which allows CO2 to escape more easily.” Contrast this with Weizen and Pilsner glasses which have narrower openings and are shaped in a way to support the accumulating foam.
- It fails to insulate against temperature changes due to the drinker’s hand being in direct contact with the bowl of beer. Contrast this with any stemmed glassware which prevents the drinker from heating the glass with their skin.
As can be seen, even the utility of the shaker pint is in question. The design leaves nothing to be desired when it comes to aiding the aroma and taste of the beverage.
Conclusion
While I would like nothing more than to honor this receptacle that has tirelessly carried beer to millions of people over the decades, my recommendation is one of dishonorable discharge. Although much of the blame rests in the pudgy hands of greedy business owners, the inherently disgraceful design of the glass has lived to mock and devalue the beverage of beer.
That will not be tolerated.
Go to hell Satan and take the despicable shaker pint with you.
Sources:
- https://beerandbrewing.com/ask-the-experts-improving-head-retention-for-your-beer/
- https://content.kegworks.com/blog/beer-clean-glass
- https://craftbeerclub.com/blog/post/what-is-head-retention-and-why-is-it-important
- https://www.homebrewersassociation.org/how-to-brew/secrets-better-beer-foam/
- https://flavourjournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13411-015-0040-2
- https://www.craftbeer.com/craft-beer-muses/the-science-behind-beer-foam
- https://www.homebrewersassociation.org/how-to-brew/proper-beer-serving-temperatures/
- https://www.homebrewersassociation.org/how-to-brew/secrets-better-beer-foam/