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“Problems are rarely as bad as we think—or rather, they are precisely as bad as we think.”
Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph
My minimalist mind has been put to the test.
A few days ago our neighbor’s dog jumped up against our car in the excitement of seeing my wife – super cute! He then proceeded to leave two claw mark scratches down the side of our door – not so cute.
When I heard this story and saw the damage, I found myself feeling angry…about a few minor scratches. I then felt frustrated that the scratches made me so angry. Was I just as prone to materialism as the next person? Should I not call myself a minimalist because I can’t handle some accidental cosmetic damage? What is this tension I feel?
Often the minimalist lifestyle is portrayed as pristine, perfect, and ordered. Only the essentials are owned, and because you don’t go on shopping benders, you’re able to purchase the best quality, most-beautiful items. What this picture fails to capture, however, is when curveballs are thrown your way – or, a better way to put it, life happens.
- You drop your phone in the toilet
- Your niece uses markers to tattoo your custom furniture
- You spill a drink on your Macbook
- Your neighbor’s dog scratches your car
I found myself in this tension as I processed my anger. How do I reconcile my idealistic picture of minimalism with the complex reality of life?
Bad news: I don’t have the answers.
Good news: I have a few thoughts that could be worth considering. Let’s take a look.
1) Decluttering doesn’t immunize you against consumerism
“If you didn’t need it five minutes ago, you probably don’t need it now. And even if you do, it wouldn’t hurt to wait.”
Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus, Love People, Use Things: Because the Opposite Never Works
Getting rid of excess stuff is an important exercise; however, it doesn’t turn off the thousands of daily advertisements vying for your attention. For example, donating the rice maker you never use won’t automatically stop you from purchasing an Instant Pot the next day. Decluttering and being a minimalist (or anti-consumerism) are related yet separate skills to develop.
Unfortunately, alongside the incessant ads prodding you to purchase new products, is the communicated belief that stuff matters. We’re told that belongings communicate our worth, status, and place in life – why else would someone spend millions on cars, yachts, or homes?
Getting my car scratched struck a nerve because of the hidden beliefs I have about that vehicle. An aspect of my ego is tied up in the brand and aesthetics and what those communicate (to others) about who I am. As much as I want to be a perfect minimalist, situations like with my neighbor’s dog are a reminder there’s plenty of room for personal growth despite perfection being bullshit.
2) Being a good steward ≠ Being attached to stuff
“We realize that everything—from our houses to our families—is borrowed.”
Jay Shetty, Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day
If it’s not apparent, I’m not advocating for the careless use of objects. Not only can joy be gained from taking proper care of our things, but it is also a sustainable way to live. Where stewardship gets in the way is when we morph it into attachment. Here’s how I define the difference:
Stewardship: Taking good care of what we’ve been blessed (or if you prefer, lucky) to own, and finding beauty in well-maintained objects.
Attachment: Maintaining our things out of fear for the future – what will I do if it gets damaged or lost?
In the case of my car, attachment fought for the win. My brain immediately began catastrophizing the situation – How much resale value was lost? How much will it cost to fix? Can I file a claim for scratches? – My attachment spoke out in fear.
A stewardship mindset would have taken a different approach. Instead of holding onto the car with a tight grip, it would have reminded me that it’s temporary and unimportant, that it could have been much worse, and that the scratches had nothing to do with my lack of care – it was an accident.
3) People or things?
“Life is harder when you care.”
Billy Baker, We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends
How do you treat people after they damage something you own? Even if it’s just a borrowed DVD (is that a thing anymore?), what’s your initial reaction when it comes back cracked, broken, or worn down?
I typically find my mind going to a place of judgment. Instead of finding compassion and forgiveness, I wonder how the hell they couldn’t take care of a simple object for a week. Of course, there’s something to be said for relational boundaries – if someone keeps borrowing and breaking your items, it’s probably an indication that you shouldn’t loan stuff to them – however, assuming you have healthy boundaries in place, what would it look like to have understanding instead of resentment when your items come back banged up?
The aim is not to become a walking mat for people to take advantage of, but rather an individual who prioritizes people above possessions.
When it came to our car, I initially wanted (but thankfully didn’t) to aim anger at my neighbor – why didn’t he keep his dog from jumping against the vehicle? This, again, was a display of my tendency toward judgment before compassion.
This is a hard lesson to learn.
Final thoughts
In the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to accept that our possessions have been damaged. After all, we spent our time, money, and effort to obtain those things – how dare someone else hurt them!
Adding a minimalist lifestyle into the mix can complicate the situation even more.
What do we do then? What’s the proper reaction?
Although I don’t have it figured out yet, I hope my thoughts and example provide context for the next time you face a similar situation. Best of luck!
P.S. Have you encountered a situation like mine? If so, how did you react?